To say the online writing space impacted me greatly would be an understatement. It completely changed my life. Being in the commuity changed what I thought I was capable of accomplishing. When I first found Authortube I was three months post partumn, dealing with some nasty depression, and a looming pandemic on the horizon. Needless to say we weren’t doing so hot, and at that time of my life I was already living in a pretty sheltered, isolated, rural environment. I knew that this space would be good for me. Deep down I knew that these little interactions in a youtube chat would help me. I couldn’t have explored that community given my circumstances and culture where I grew up, but lucky for me, I had someone in my corner to help me spiral upward instead of downward. She encouraged me to follow my interests, and remain optimisitic. One of my favorite tactics my wife used were positive what ifs.
What if it all worked out?
What if I finished writing a book?
What if people enjoyed what I wrote?
What if I made lasting friendships with other writers?
What if Im actually good at something?
I wouldn’t know until I tried. So tried I did.
With these positive what ifs (my former therapist would be so proud) the summer following the big autumn writing event I made the choice to put myself out there. Now you must understand this was a BIG deal. I am a more shy person who doesn’t see the point of drawing attention to herself, but I knew that something needed to change. All I needed was a push from my partner. The authortube sphere quickly became a lifeline for me while dealing with an erroding mental health. The space also resurrected a dream I thought was long past its expiration. It had felt like a whirlwind of meeting people and staying up late with baby #1 and drafting stories had made me feel a spark of life again.
As weeks turned to months the drawbacks of being online had become painfully uncomfortable regarding a certain unspoken edge of dualitly. While making friends was a blast sometimes it had felt like if you didn’t have the magic follower number beside your name some people remained ‘off limits’. NOW a quick little note I do understand why people with larger followings are more hesitant to meet new people, because people can suck and some are just after social points. The feelings I had though weren’t soley unique to me. I had met other writers who felt the same, that the number by our name had someone became how ‘valueable’ we were. Early on there were a lot of things about myself that made me feel inadequate, such as being from a poor rural area, my writing was rusty, and a lower number wasn’t helping. Other people I found had a more healthy outlook though. These writers had the mindset of they were here to make friends the numbers didn’t matter as much they just wanted to enjoy themselves and make content they were proud of. Im grateful to have gotten that perspective because it made it clear to me that sucess doesnt look one way. We, ourselves, set the peramiters for our own success and I think many of us would be a lot happier if we embraced that.
looking back at the past six years I have made lasting connections with dear friends. I have three published books, a lenormand deck, and signed projects on the docket. While I am still finding my confidence with being perceived, I do feel in a far better place now than when I started this writing journey. I adore this creative career I have carved out for myself, and while I am currently living out my happily ever after in beautiful New England, something deep in my gut is telling me that this is just the start of something meaningful and lasting.


